Healed.

 I had my last therapy session today.

It has been 46 months since I was officially diagnosed with Depression, Anxiety and Post Traumatic Stress. 46 months. That number does not include the amount of time I was undiagnosed, living in confusion, wondering what these thoughts and emotions were and where they came from. 46 months of deep sadness, pain that could not be healed, constant regret and worry, long and lonely nights, overwhelming thoughts to take my own life, to harm myself in some way (just to feel something), isolation, drowning in my own head, hopelessness, and so much more. To just anyone it seems like it would be awful to live like that and it was, but for most of those 46 months I was comfortable there. That was my strange comfort zone; it was easy to fall into but difficult to dig my way out. At the beginning of those 46 months I had been in and out of hospitals, outpatient treatments, saw countless therapists and nothing seemed to help, or nothing made me want to change.

A year ago, July 2019 I was overcome with this strong feeling that I needed to find a therapist. I was better than I was 3 years prior but I was nowhere near healed. I was lead to Gina who practiced EMDR* and let me tell you, this treatment has been life changing for me! All of the things that used to trigger me from that abusive relationship are healed. I can literally look those things dead in the face and rise above it, laughing because it feels so good to finally be set free from that prison cell! The hidden trauma I faced from one night out that I buried deep within me, so deep I had forgotten about it until it made itself known again in the form of fear, healed.

Healed.

I walked out of that place today a new person. A healed person. A person who no longer has those diagnoses chained at the ankle. A person who finally knows what it's like to be free from their own head and heart. A person whose future does not consist of those negative identities. A person with hope and happiness.

The walk from the lobby to the exit doors is a long walk and usually there is Christian Contemporary music blaring over the speakers. I love it, I can't complain. However, today just so happened to be a song that I have connected with through my healing process, my favorite song. I couldn't help but let the tears flow as I was walking to my car, happiness overwhelming me for a change. You cannot tell me that God was not there with me today and through this entire process. God was with me then, God is with me now and God will always be with me. Listen Here

**EMDR- Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing is a form of therapy specialized in PTSD.