This Is My Story

Growing up I always felt this sense of deep sadness I never realized wasn't normal. That is, until 2015, when I had been forced to deal with this whirlwind of unresolved raw emotion. The 5 years leading up to this, I had been in a relationship that completely tore me apart where I was abused mentally, physically and emotionally by someone I thought I loved, by someone I thought loved me. This abusive relationship only heightened the sadness I felt as an adolescent. I quickly learned how to mask my emotions and I hid these events from everyone who loved. It took me 2 years to finally feel safe enough to leave him. The next few years were filled with high anxiety trying to ignore the fact that he was still checking up on me, following me anywhere I went and reaching out to keep in touch. As if everything seemed to be okay to him, as if he hadn't tried to take our lives countless times before. I moved several hundred miles away for many reasons, one obviously being to escape the abuser, but in reality it was the perfect plan of isolation. That is when my life truly fell apart. I was incredibly hopeless in my own thoughts and feelings. I was buried in all of this. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't see the light. I was suicidal. I spent 2 separate weeks in the hospital mental health unit and a 3rd week in an outside treatment center. The recovery didn't stop there. I am still recovering to this day. It is a long and difficult road to trek but I am grateful to be walking it.